Isaac Deitz Working out my faith through writing.
Divorcing God
I have a good friend that has recently told me that he isn’t a Christian anymore. That he doesn’t believe in Jesus. I’ve heard this many times before from close friends and family even. But something he said stood out to me. It may have been the reason why he lost his faith in the first place. He said “Don’t worry though, I’m still the same person”.
If you are still the same person without Jesus, then I wonder how much Jesus you had in the first place. Our bodies are 70% water, if you took out all the water, we could not be the same person physically, it’s so ingrained in us and a part of us.
Now when I stop wearing a hat, that doesn’t change me physically. It might change what I look like, but that is one of the purposes of a lot of articles of clothing, is to make you look a certain way. You put it on for style, maybe to fit in, maybe to look a certain way.
When you walk away from Christianity and are still the same person, I wonder if you just were a Christian for style, acceptance or appearance in the first place.
But most importantly, I think that you have shaken down Christianity to be a set a rules. If Christianity is not doing certain things and doing other things. You can very well remain the same person after. So I think you are not really walking away from Christianity but more properly labeling what you were in the first place, just a moral person, not a friend of Jesus.
Divorce affects both parties a whole lot. Even if they don’t admit it. And the closer the relationship was, the harder the divorce. A true relationship of any sort is a process of growing together and doing life together. When a relationship ends it’s ripping apart the togetherness and having to do life alone, or without that person.
I have a friend that is married and his wedding ring left a rash on his finger so he took it off, so I asked him why he didn’t get a tattoo ring, he said “whoa, that’s pretty intense”. I thought of that for a while. Marriage is intense, it’s suppose to be intense. Sure, I understand, if the wife died young, he’d be stuck with that ring tattoo, etc. But marriage is intense. God gives us marriage as an analogy of our relationship with him. It’s intense, it’s deep and it’s life changing. The couples that get married just to do it, but really say “I’ll stay with them until we disagree” are the marriages that end up not being as full. I think we will disagree with God about things, but committing early on and saying, “I’m willing to work out the disagreements as they come, figure out His side, etc” then that’s when we truly start experiencing the fullness of our relationship with him.
So if Jesus is supposed to be a relationship and not a religion. We shouldn’t be the same if we walk away from Him. If we are the same or can possibly be the same from walking away from him, then I think we are really just walking away from the religion, but even then, you are just getting rid of the religious title, because if you are the same, you are still just following the same list of rules (but with a different name).
If you took Jesus away from your life and it would remain the same, you should wonder if he really is your foundation. If you take away something from something else, that’ll show you how much that thing really depended on the thing that you removed. I know that if you took away my clothes, I’d be the same person, but if you took away my water, I’d die, I’d shrivel and I’d look totally different. I hope the same applies if you took away Jesus.
your friend,
-Isaac
Wow. That was truly incredible.
I can really relate to what you are saying, and because of that, it’s kind o hard readin such a powerful message.
You can say one thing, but do the opposite and defy everything you might once have stood for.
It’s the ones who are truly living out what they believe in that are really affected when they’re stripped of Jesus.
Thank you for that. Really.
- Hannah
As someone who has been in a similar situation as your friend, leaving Christianity after spending the first 27 years of my life being a part of that belief system and culture, I can tell you that it was not a conclusion and a choice I took lightly. And yet, looking back, I truly believe it was the best choice I ever made. Just because your spiritual journey has led you to Christianity and those of others have led them away from it, does not make yours any more or less legitimate. And I would also say that the hardest part of it by far has not been the loss of a ‘Jesus’ figure, but more the judgement of friends and family, as you demonstrate when you say things like ‘I wonder if you just were a Christian for style, acceptance or appearance in the first place.’ I feel that my lack of Christian faith is something I have to hide in order to preserve my relationships, because even though I’m accepting of their Christianity, they often are not so accepting of my non Christianity.
But I would say that I am not the same person I was. I care for my friends, family and fellow humans without a middle man, and have empathy for them because I am one of them, not because Jesus wants me to.
- Alan
In response to Alan~In the end, no matter what you choose to believe or not believe, there will only be one correct truth. Either the Bible is correct, or it isn’t. I think that the reason your Christian friends are less accepting of your non-belief is that they truly believe in the Bible, and they know that your soul will suffer eternal damnation, and that saddens them, because they love you. As believers, we want to see all our friends and family in Heaven for eternity. However, we know that there is only one way for that to occur.
Believe me when I say that your Christian friends are not rejecting you; it’s really the opposite. You are right that they do not accept your non-Christianity. To accept that would be to accept the fact that they walked away and allowed your soul to die. That is a heavy weight for any Christian to bear. It would be equivalent to allowing your child to walk onto the highway and step in front of a semi truck. Your friends are not judging you; they are merely trying to save you from eternal suffering, because they love you.
I don’t know what drew you away from God, but I do know that God loves you nonetheless. I pray that God will touch your heart again, and that you can experience the true love of God instead of the judgments of mankind.
~Praying for You
I guess I have to call you Praying – since you didn’t give your real name – a few years ago, I would have said almost the exact same thing to someone like me, word for word. And to read that makes me realize how far I’ve come, how much I’ve grown as a person, and how much happier I am to no longer be part of that belief system. You may find that insulting, but it’s not intended to be at all.
Everything that you said is exactly why I don’t believe in it anymore, and I don’t miss that one bit. Belief systems are very personal. And if you truly love someone, you should be able to love them for who they are, not what they believe, and for them being here in this life with you, not the next. Because this life is all that’s guaranteed for any of us. The next life, or lack thereof, is your belief and their belief. Why belittle them by worrying about their soul like they’re a lost little child? It’s arrogant and disrespectful of their beliefs.
Please don’t waste your time praying for me. There are much more constructive things you can be doing. I’m fine. It’s you I’m worried about.
I believe that marriage is not only intense, but it is the highest form of communion we can partake in with Christ. It is not something to be taken lightly.
Coming from someone who was supposed to be married one month ago, but is not married today, I’d like to think that I’ve come to many different conclusions about relationships.
Alan, when our wedding was called off the worst thing about it was the judgement from the people who I have been close to for so long. Like you said, it’s the realizations about how your friends and family really feel that makes you step back and look at the situation differently. But I would say this goes for a relationship with Christ just as much as a relationship with another person. When we broke up, there were lots of friends and family that pulled away from me, but it’s not because they didn’t approve and were disappointed. It’s because they were heartbroken…just like me. I’m not the only person who had dreamed about having kids with this person and traveling together and experiencing all of the wonderful things in life with this particular person by my side. Others had imagined the same thing. And when it was called off it took everyone by surprise and they had to completely readjust the way they thought too. It’s completely selfish and unrealistic to think that a decision so big would have little effect on your other relationships in life.
When something as serious as your faith is proclaimed “lost”, it is heartbreaking. That doesn’t mean it won’t ever heal, but it does mean that you won’t be the same person again…it’s not a choice. Every good and bad thing that happens will force you to develop new coping mechanisms, habits, expressions, and thoughts in general. Like I said, that’s not a bad thing.
Unfortunately when a break up happens the waters part and you realize which of your friends was there because of this other person, or in your case God, and which ones were there for you. Which ones had invested more in the two together so when they are separate it’s not the same. I believe that the friends who God put in my life to encourage me and keep me on the right track are still in my life. They didn’t give up on me. But they also didn’t lie to me and say everything was going to be just fine. They have been completely honest about the way my decisions have effected them and what they think the repercussions will be.
Again, not a bad thing.
Don’t disregard friends that seem to be abandoning you or disrespecting you because of your beliefs. Give them time to deal with the heartache. Give them time to evaluate their commitments to you and how this decision will effect your relationship. And at the same time, do not disregard them or write them off when they honestly tell you what a good/bad decision they think that you made.
If you are going to be completely honest with them, you should respect them to do the same for you.
These are just my thoughts and things that I have faced in this last season in my life. I pray that you will seek the truth, no matter what the journey getting there looks like.The truth will set you free. I believe that.
It always breaks my heart when I hear people say that they don’t believe anymore.
Thanks for sharing your perspective. I really like the correlation you drew between water in the human body and our lives with/without Jesus.
I totally agree. I just recently graduated and left my youth group and it is SO sad to see how many of my friends, people who I looked up to spiritually, have given up on their faith. It really just breaks my heart. I want to be in this for the long hall. To infinity and beyond! It looks like this isn’t going to be easy. As we all are prone to wander from the God we love.
Thank you so much for writing these blogs, they are really inspiring. (btw I loved FF5 last night!)
Katelynn,
I totally understand what you mean about your friends.
The sad thing for me, though, is that it’s happening within my family.
My sister calls me a Christian like is a disgusting thing, when she used to teach Sunday School herself.
I’ll be praying for you, as well as those who still need to find Him. Or just need to find Him again.
God Bless!
-Hannah
P.S. And Isaac, yes! Thank you SO much for writing these. They allow me, and I’m sure others as well, that we’re all fighting a battle to keep our faith strong.
I wasn’t going to comment, until i read the discussions. I don’t know, Alan, maybe you won’t read this. I just have a couple things to say, but wait. Don’t get all defensive and worked up yet. It’s hard for me to read your comment. It’s hard because it seems like the people you are around who call themselves Christians have proven your decision right, when in fact their lives, their attitudes, their demeanor toward you should be causing you to long for a renewed relationship with Christ. You did, by the way, prove Isaac’s point very well with your comment. don’t know if you realized that. Anyway, my point is that they shouldn’t be judging you. I’m sorry they are making you feel alienated and like you have to be someone you’re not when you are around them. I wish I could apologize for them. It’s a fine line, to disagree with the decision you have made and still love you. Because you are, after all, a fellow human being just trying to survive on this planet. I guess some Christians maybe don’t think about how to do that, or just don’t know how to do it well. I guess the best thing they know how to do is tell you that you are choosing the wrong path. I’m sure they care about you, and your eternal soul, and all that. But that doesn’t seem to matter to you, and they should be sensitive to that. But maybe they are guilty of living by a “rules-based” Christianity, instead of a relationship-based one as well. At any rate, it sounds like you’ve pretty much made up your mind, which saddens me. But I wish you the best as you move through this crazy world. :)
Isaac, as always, thanks for your fantastic thoughts. They always make me think.
I found the comments very interesting. It makes me question though how people can leave Jesus.
If He is in you, and you are in Him how is it that He can suddenly depart from you? Remember, this is Jesus – not man. No height, nor depth, nor angels or even hell and all it’s demons seperate you from the love of God.
I think no matter what we do, we will always be with Him and He always with us. I don’t know why some people depart from their faith and I am in no position to assume; but it does bring me to the point of thinking that rather than leaving Jesus, or divorcing God it is more a matter of hardening our hearts towards Him.
I’ve got family who would consider themselves estranged to one another because of a bad childhood they experienced, resentment and bitterness springs forth in them but no matter how much you want to say you are not related, you’ve still got your parents DNA floating around insdie of you – and as much as we might be angry at God, you’ve still got Papa’s DNA running through you. There is no way we can take it out of us, unless we supernaturally have it sucked out – which, considering God holds heaven and hell in his hands – not too sure if he’d be keen to take that approach ;)
But in saying all of this as well, I do think it’s the churches fault for a number of people who decide to no longer walk with God. What was originally inteded for Christians, or “little christs” was something pure and simple – but weve gone and taken the concept of being christian and turned it into a game, where you have to work your way up to certain levels in order to receive an answered prayer, or blessed life or even feel God touch and move inside of you.
Too many churches these days teach from their own experience, lacking the fact that the Bible says to preach nothing but the finished works of the cross. Very rarely do I hear anything about the new creation realities, grace or even Jesus! It’s always about 5 Simple Steps to defeating your demons! Get a new child by Friday! All do it yourself methods.
What ever happened to relying fully on God? To trust in the fact that God of Heaven is in you. BAM! No more depression because Mr LOVE Himself is in you and you can’t have sad and happy mixed together.
I’m getting a bit fired up now but man! I wish it was Jesus they preached about in Churches! Maybe we could all actually learn something direct from the source instead of going through routine worship, forced bible reading and someone elses opinions about what you should and shouldnt do…
anyway, thank you for reading – if you did! :)